Playing in the snow and My craziness - February 21, 2011

Monday - February 21st
Here are the pictures I took yesterday when the kids went out in the snow for a little while.  We love playing in the snow.

 Since there was no school today, the kids chose not to get dressed. I think they are so funny outside playing in the snow in their pajamas. Alissa and Parker have been playing outside a lot today. They are really sad that they have to go to school tomorrow.
This is the funny little thing they made. At first they said they were going to make a castle, so I'm going to say that this is their castle.

After I took pictures of Alissa and Parker's creation, Alissa told me that I needed to come out with the video camera so she could show me something. She showed the video camera their creation, then she showed the video camera how to destroy their creation. I wasn't expecting that at all. She had a lot of fun kicking it down.

These are two turtles that they went out and made yesterday. They were so afraid that the sun was going to melt their turtles, but it didn't yet.

Brinley prefers to be inside when it's cold. she go out every once in a while, but she never stays out very long. this is a cute picture of her playing the Nintendo Wii. I love Brinley's smile.

So, I have been rearranging my house a lot lately. I'm not even sure what it is that I'm trying to accomplish. I've always rearranged one or two rooms in my house every three to six months. That's just what I do. I've been doing that all my life. Before I got married and moved out, I would rearrange my bedroom or trade rooms with a sister. I guess I just get bored. I don't understand it. But since October, I have rearranged my living room 6 times! Two of those times, I traded rooms. I moved all of my downstairs living room furniture upstairs and the upstairs living room furniture downstairs, then I moved them back. Yesterday, I rearranged the living room again. Today, I started rearranging the kids' bedrooms. I managed to drop a bed on my foot and it hurt really bad, so I'm taking a break for the rest of the day and I will finish up tomorrow.

I'll be sitting in the living room or somewhere and it will come to me, how the room can look so much better or an idea will come to me and I'll wonder what it would look like if I did this or that, then I just can't get it off of my mind until I do it. Do you think I'm obsessive compulsive? And why have I been doing this more than usual lately? I'm just trying to figure myself out.

I was really sick starting in October until December. I'd just get over one sickness and another one would start. I was also having a lot of pain in my lower abdomen. I went to a doctor and he said that I had a large fibroid in my uterus and he wanted to do an operation to remove it. I am more afraid than I used to be to have a surgery, so I kept putting it off. I kept thinking that somehow maybe the fibroid was causing my immune system to be weak and that's why I was sick all the time.  In January, I finally started to feel better and I got up the courage to go to the doctor to schedule the surgery. I went to a different doctor this time. I was scared about the surgery but excited.  The reason I scheduled with a different doctor, is because the other doctor had experience in doing the tubal reversal surgery.  I was planning to ask him to do the tubal reversal since he was going to have me opened up anyway.  I figured it was a way to make the surgery more affordable.  I've been wanting to have a tubal reversal ever since I made that horrible decision to have it done, but there is no way we can afford it.  So, even though I was scared about the surgery, my mood had changed a lot and I was starting to feel happy again at the possibility of being able to have more children.

Anyway, I went to the appointment, he did an ultra sound and didn't see any fibroid that was big enough to operate on. It is the craziest thing! How could I have been in so much pain in October thru December, then in January start feeling much better and the doctor doesn't see a problem anymore? I was talking to Missy about it and she said that in one of the books she read that when your grieving it weakens your immune system and a lot of people get sick after the loss of a loved one. We all got colds after my mom passed away and my grandma got pneumonia. So I wonder if some how all of those crazy symptoms and my weakened immune system was due to grief. Because I was sick and miserable during the time that the year before I had lost my mom. I don't know. I felt like I was handling things just fine. I had one or two sad days around the anniversary of her passing, but really, I thought I was doing pretty well.  But, I've been sad about my tubes being tied.  I wonder if the fibroid getting better had something to do with my happiness about being able to get a tubal reversal.

Anyways, that was just crazy and weird.

Another crazy and weird thing happened yesterday. I woke up and just started crying. I was replaying everything that went on when my mom passed away in my mind. I could not stop crying. We have church at 8:30 in the morning and I couldn't stop crying to go to church. I had to call and tell my friend, through my tears, that I wouldn't be there. I just spent the morning laying in my bed crying. The kids didn't really know how to handle it. They felt bad so they made little cards for me to try and cheer me up. I felt so bad, that I couldn't control my emotions. I don't like to cry in front of the kids because I know it upsets them. I finally stopped crying and felt like I was handling things better, until Linda called to check on me and I just lost it again. It really helped to talk to her, but then I had a hard time calming down again. I haven't cried like that since the week when she passed away. It was so crazy to me, because it felt like my being upset and crying just came out of nowhere. I was feeling just fine. I think what might have started it was the realization that it was my parents anniversary yesterday. I also wondered if my toothache and my constant head ache that goes with it and the fear of having my first root canal tomorrow are also making me an emotional wreck.

I just don't know what is going on with me lately. I've also lost all desire for cake decorating. I used to love that, I don't really know what it is, but I just don't like it any more. I turned down four people that asked me to do wedding cakes this year. Seriously, I don't feel like I'm a crazy person, but I'm just not myself lately. I just don't understand it. That's all.