Bear Lake - June 16, 2014

Monday - June 16, 2014

We had planned to spend a nice day relaxing on the beach at Bear Lake.  We checked the weather on Sunday.  It said the temperatures would be a little cooler, but it was supposed to be mostly sunny, so we figured that it wouldn't be too bad.  We woke up early this morning, loaded all our stuff and went on our way.  We wanted to get there at 9:00 am (when the beach opens up).  We love the drive there.  We go through Logan Canyon and it is so beautiful.  As we were headed, the sky was very cloudy and it looked like a storm was brewing.  I checked the weather and the forecast was very different from the night before.  It said that it was going to be stormy all day.  Bummer!  We had already driven so far and we didn't have any other plans for the day, so we decided to keep going.  When we got out at the beach, it was so cold and windy.  But we had the beach to ourselves and that was fun.  We all had our swimsuits on, but we had to wear our sweatshirts because it was so cold.  The water was really cold.  But it was still really fun.  We enjoyed our time playing on the beach and daring to go out in the cold water.  It was fun, but we knew it was too cold and stormy for us to stay there very long.  When we were done playing, we piled back in the truck and headed to the property that Missy VanBibber's grandparents own.  They had agreed to let us go there and use their fire pit.  Their property was really nice!  I loved being there.  We had a nice time.  We cooked our hot dogs on our little portable grill.  After we ate, we started a fire.  We sat around the fire for a while.  It was nice to relax and enjoy the beautiful scenery.  It was cold out, so the fire was also nice for keeping us warm.  The sun came out for a little while and Missy pulled out a target and her bee-bee guns for us to shoot.  The kids really loved that.

I had to take some selfies to show that I was here also.  I'm always taking the pictures and am rarely in the pictures.

 We got side tracked on our way home.  As we came upon the road that leads to Tony's Grove, Roger asked if I wanted to go see the lake.  He assumed that I would say no.  But I thought that sounded fun.  I've been wanting to go there.  The kids and Roger went last year, with out me.  I can't remember why I wasn't able to go also, but I was sad that I had to miss out.  Anyway, it was cold, but so pretty and very fun.  We decided that we want to spend a day there and camp for one night, then the next day, go to Bear Lake.
We walked around the lake and over to a picnic area that still had snow on the ground.  The trees were so tall and it was so pretty over there.  I didn't get to take any pictures because the battery on the camera died.  I had a feeling I should have charged it the night before, but I ignored that feeling and had to pay the consequences.  It was so beautiful and we had a lot of fun sliding in the snow.  Roger, Alissa, and Parker climbed up a little and slid down on their feet.  Brinley slid down on her bum.  They had so much fun and I thought they looked funny sliding on their feet.  It was a lot of fun.  We played for a while then we headed back home.

Father's Day - June 15, 2014

Sunday - June 15, 2014

Today was a very nice relaxing day.  We woke up and headed to church.  I'm embarrassed to say, but I've been struggling with church stuff for a while.   A bunch of different things had happened during the summer, then in October everything just came to a head and all of the sudden, I felt like, "What the heck am I doing?"  There were so many confusing things that had happened.  A met a group of women, who claimed to be strong in the church.  They were all heavily involved in this energy work stuff.  I went to a retreat with all of these women last spring.  They all talked a lot about the energy work stuff.  I can see the could in this and a lot of stuff make sense, but it is easy for people to go to far.  And that's where a lot of these ladies were.  They had gone too far.  They no longer talked about the need for prayer or the priesthood, they seemed to feel like they had the power to cure and fix anything and everything.  They had these crazy ritualistic things that they would repeat every morning or before they went somewhere or before bed or when ever.  So, instead of saying prayers, they would say these weird rituals about cleansing themselves from the evils of the world.  They also said that it is important to cleanse yourself of your ancestors wrong doing and fears.  Like for me, since I'm afraid of bees.  They said that I could have gotten that fear from an ancestor, so I needed to cleanse myself of my ancestors fears and problems.  

The more I learned, the more I felt like, "These ladies are crazy."  At the meeting, they were crying and talking about how strong the spirit was at that moment and how they just knew this stuff had to be true.  It was really weird to me.  I was there, and I felt something, but it wasn't the good spirit and feelings that I'm used to.  It definately did not feel right.  The fact that all these women had tears in their eyes and were agreeing, really threw me off.  That is the first thing, that happened and made me start to question the church.  Because all of these women were what people would consider to be strong active members of the church.

During the summer, it seems like little things kept happening.  Incidences where people who were "strong members of the church" were rude to us and treated us poorly because they didn't think we were as strong in the church as they were and because of that, they treated us like we were a lesser, not worthy of the same as them, type of people.  That brought up the many memories of the times we were treated that way in our previous ward where we had lived for 8 1/2 years.  Our neighbors right around us, didn't like us, because our yard wasn't kept as nicely as theirs.  They were all retired and their lives revolved around their yards.  Our yard work got taken care of when we could fit it in out busy schedules.  I think we kept it decent, but that wasn't good enough for them and they made sure that we knew what a disappointment we were.  They would come over and do yard work for us.  When we'd go outside to thank them, they would go off on us and say, that if my husband would get off his lazy but and do the yard work himself, they wouldn't have to be over here doing this for us.  Also, after Brinley was born, I didn't come to church for about 3 months.  From that point forward, we were considered the inactive family.  It didn't matter that we started attending church again.  The primary would come once a month or so and bring us a copy of the friend magazine.  They would come to the door and tell me that they are out just visiting the inactive families in the ward.  Then they would give the kids a friend magazine (because, if we are inactive, surely we don't get the friend magazine).  It really bothered me that they would do this, because we would see them in church each week and every time they came, I would thing, "You know, you could have just given it to us when we saw you in church on Sunday."  Because we were the inactive family, we were treated differently.  We were not as good as them and they did a good job at letting us know that.  Things got worse, the year that I pulled Parker out of school.  That was the same year that my mom had passed away.  It was really hard learning how to feel okay again, with out having my mom to talk to all the time.  I called her about everything.  People were angry that I pulled Parker out of school.  The school, tricked me into coming for a meeting where they took turns telling why I wouldn't be as good as them at teaching my child.  The principal got in my face and yelled at me.  The was scary and horrible.  Then neighbors started coming over, telling me not to do it and saying things like, "How could you do that to your child?"  I pulled him out anyways.  Things were worse after that.  We were rejected more.  Friends that the kids used to play with, all of the sudden, couldn't play with them anymore.  It was the craziest most horrible thing.  By the time, we moved out in 2011, I was desperate to get away from there.  Anyway, so those memories kept coming back to me.

The other thing that happened to deepen my confusion and my unsure about the church feelings, is that I started watching these shows on TLC about people fleeing the FLDS church, people escaping other cults, and the show about the Amish people leaving their church.  All of these things really made me start to feel confused and wonder, if I really knew what I was doing.  I had felt very strongly that I knew this to be the true church and I never thought I would reach a point where I felt this confused and I started questioning thing again.  I decided to take a step back and try to figure things out.  So, I asked to be released from my calling as a primary teacher.  They didn't release me from my calling, but they did find someone to teach my class for me while I figured things out.  They were very nice and helpful about that.  I was very grateful for that.  I thought, I would still attend church while I figured things out, but I had a really hard time getting myself there.

What I learned in my not attending church, is that people out of the church are just as mean and judgmental as people in the church.  The church and it's teachings are true.  I know that.  People are not perfect.  Their are a lot of good people out there and there are a lot of not so good people out there.  Everybody is just here on earth trying to be the best they can be.  Live the best life they know how to live.  People are not out to get me, they are mostly looking out and trying to better themselves.  And a lot of them don't seem to care who they hurt in the process.

It's been a crazy, frustrating, confusing little journey that I've been on over the last 6 months or so, but I now know and have a much stronger testimony of the truthfulness of the church.  I also know people are crazy and nobody's perfect. 

Anyways.... so Sunday was really nice, because it was my first time back to church in a long time.  It felt good to be there and I hadn't realized how much I missed it.  There is a feeling and a spirit in the church that I don't get to feel anywhere else.  The people in my ward were so kind and warm and caring.  they seemed genuinely happy to see us there.  We felt very welcome and I knew that's where we belonged.  Relief society was funny that day.  It was the kind of meeting that you only get to experience in a small town.  I love small towns!  A lot of people had opinions and things to say about the lesson and that was fun.  But, before the lesson, at the start of the meeting, they informed us that someone in the ward had their house broken into.  You should have heard the loud gasps from everybody in the room.  Then the person, who's house it was, raised her hand and clarified, that it was her cars, that had been broken into.  Also, her neighbor's cars had been broken into.  Then someone chimed in to warn us, that sometimes they are looking for cash or things that they can sell easily to get money for drugs.  Other people spoke up in agreement adding their own ideas of what a bad guy would be looking for.  Then another person warned that we should be careful, because she heard that sometimes they watch as people go to church, then break into your houses while you are at church.  It was just a really funny conversation to me.  I never experienced meetings like that until I moved to Tremonton.  I think it is just a small town mentality.  I experienced this kind of a meeting in Tooele, at my Mother-in-laws ward.  It's the kind of conversation, where even though the point has been made, everybody wants to share their story or have some input, whether it is relevant to the topic or not.  In the Tooele meeting, the lesson was about keeping the Sabbath Day holy.  People kept interrupting the person talking to tell about the different ways they always keep the Sabbath day holy and they are appalled by people who do things differently than them.

Anyways... Sorry, I got way off topic from what I originally planned on posting about.  It was a nice day.  Roger woke up shortly after we got home from church.  The kids were excited to give him his gifts.  In sacrament meeting they passed out root beer and snickers bars for the kids to give to him, then Brinley made a card in primary and she got popcorn and another soda to give.  There was a cute poem that mentioned being "Corny" and called him "Pop"  to go with the popcorn and soda pop he received.  Then there was the gag gift from the kids and I.  We got him Handerpants - underwear for your hands (they are gloves that look like underwear).  The box that it came in tells of the funny uses for handerpants.

Making Pinatas - June 14, 2014

Saturday - June 14, 2014

Missy brought newspapers, balloons, and fun ideas for making Pinatas.  She bought some stuff to fill her pinata with so the kids could break it after it dries.  The kids were really excited to make their own pinatas.  After I mixed a big bowl of flour and water to use as the glue, Parker looked at it and decided that he didn't really want to make a pinata after all.  He thought it was going to be too messy and he didn't want to get all messy.  I thought that was funny, since he is the boy and he enjoys playing in the mud and getting messy on a regular basis.  So, Parker just watched. I used Parker's balloon and wrapped it in yarn, to make a bowl.  It turned out really yucky and not cool.  But the kids thought it was great!

Hay Fire - June 13, 2014

Friday - June 13, 2014

There was a fire at a Hay plant, close to Tremonton.  It started on Wednesday night.  When I climbed into bed Wednesday night, I laid down and started scrolling through facebook on my phone.  The first thing I noticed, was a question somebody posted to Tremonton Classifieds.  They were asking what that big explosion was and where were all the fire trucks heading.  People started responding about an explosion at the hay plant.  I got out of bed, went down stairs where Missy and the kids were sleeping and invited anybody who was awake to come outside with me and see if we could see anything.  We couldn't.  In the morning though, we checked the news to find out what happened.  Here is the news story: Hay Plant Fire.  The story says that the fire will burn for s long time, so when we got bored tonight, we decided to drive over and see it.  We took a lot of pictures.  I was surprised to see so much fire.

Swimming in The Backyard - June 12, 2014

Thursday - June 12, 2014

Missy VanBibber came to visit!.  We love having company.  Roger had to work again today, so we spent the day relaxing at home.  Missy brought some fun craft activities to do with the kids.  She found some really fun ideas on a Disney website.  We set up the little pool in the backyard.  Then we brought out a table and chairs.  Missy printed these papers with Disney designs on them and instructions with how to fold them into paper airplanes.  The designs on the papers looked really cool, but the paper was too thick, so it didn't fold as easily as we would have liked.

 I noticed that we could see the smoke from the hay fire.  So, I took a few pictures.  Then I noticed how beautiful the clouds were and I had to take pictures of those also.  The little black dots in the pictures are birds.

Just Life - June 10, 2014

Tuesday - June 10, 2014

I had a busy weekend.  The kids and I went to Linda's house and helped her with a wedding.  It was very busy, stressful, and not fun.  We got home on Sunday afternoon.  I have such a hard time getting back to normal routines after being gone.  It seems like we just got back from our last little vacation and I was still trying to get the house organized and everything feeling back to normal from that little vacation.  Now, I 'm starting all over again, but feeling like it's a double wammy, since I wasn't recovered from our last big outing.

The house is always such a mess after any trip.  The crazy thing is..... I always clean the house really well before we leave, so that we can come home to a nice clean, comfy, cozy house.  What happens is, we come home feeling exhausted.  We throw our stuff in the kitchen and living room, too tired to go through any of it and put anything away yet.  It all sits there and we slowly pull things out and work around it for a day or two while we try to muster up the energy to get things put away and back in order again.  In that day or two immediately after a short trip or vacation, the house seems to get messier than ever.  By the time I have anargy again, it is a disaster and takes twice as long as it normally does to clean the house.  I don't like it.

So, This morning would be the time that I'm rested enough so I can clean the house, but I couldn't.  I was gone on the day I normally do my grocery shopping, so we were completely out of food.  So, last night I made my list and this morning, I had to go to the store and get it all.

My friend, Heather, has been wanting to get together for a while, but things keep coming up and we haven't seen each other in a while.  Yesterday she texted and asked if we could meet at the park for a picnic today.  I knew if we didn't meet her today, it would probably be a while before we would have a chance to get together again.  So, I hurried through my grocery shopping, came home, made our lunches and No Bake Cookies - or "chocolate oatmeal" as Heather calls them (the treat we always eat when we hang out), made sure the kids got all ready, then we headed to the park.  We were only about 15 minutes late.  I felt bad about being late, but proud of us for getting there much closer to the time than I had anticipated.

We enjoyed our park time today.  Roger was awake when we came home.  I filled the swimming pool in the backyard so the kids would be occupied while I tried to clean.  I didn't get much done, instead I spent time hanging out with Roger, since I knew he had to leave to work soon.  I wish that he never had to go to work and we still had money and we could just play and do whatever we wanted all the time.  I'm just sayin'..... That would be great!  

After Roger left, I couldn't muster up the energy to clean.  I made myself get the dishes and laundry done, with the promise that I will wake up tomorrow morning and work really hard to make up for all the cleaning that I didn't do today.  We'll see how that goes.

Anyway... I originally started writing this post to share the funny thing that Alissa said as I was getting her to bed tonight.  Alissa watched an episode of 'I shouldn't Be Alive' with me.  When I went in her room to tell her goodnight, she asked, "Mom.  Have you ever had a time where you felt like you were dying or you thought you were going to die?"  I had to think for a while.  There was a time when I was a teenager that my body did something really weird.  I don't know what was going on.  It was my bad time of month, but nothing was unusual about it.  I can't remember what I had been doing before I started feeling this way.  Someone had just come to the door.  Linda and Shelley were visiting with whoever it was in the living room.  I walked into the kitchen on my way to the living room, when all of the sudden I felt really weak.  I started shaking uncontrollably.  I was sweating a cold sweat and I started to feel nauseated.  I almost felt too weak to walk and I thought for sure I was going to faint or pass out or something.  I kept thinking, "Am I dying?"  I didn't know what was going on.  I thought, maybe I could manage to get into the living room and Shelley and Linda could help me, but then I though what if I'm dying and I die in front of our guest.  That's embarrassing. (My brain wasn't fully developed yet, hence the crazy reasoning - remember I was a teen at the time)  So, I decided I would try to make it to the bathroom and die in there.  I made it to the bathroom and when I looked in the mirror, I was even more sure that this was the end for me.  I had no color in my face.  My lips were starting to turn blue and my arms were even white.  It was a terrifying sight.  I decided to sit on the floor, that way when I passed out, I wouldn't go crashing to the ground.  I sat down on the bathroom floor and just waited to die.  But as I sat there, I slowly started to feel better.  I stopped sweating and shaking.  The feeling of nausea slowly went away.  After a while, I felt completely normal, like nothing had ever happened.  I walked out of the bathroom and joined Linda and Shelley in the living room.  I couldn't wait for our guest to leave so I could tell them about my crazy experience.

After that, I thought about car accidents I've been in and the time my body really was dying (when I had appendicitis and Alissa was born).  In all of the car accidents I've been in, I think it is crazy and amazing how everything moves in slow motion.  So, I spent a little time telling Alissa about that.

When I actually was dying, I never felt scared or even once thought that I was dying.  When my appendix ruptured while I was pregnant with Alissa and they couldn't figure out what was going on with me, I had been given blessing and I had a lot of people praying for me.  Heavenly Father let me know that I was going to be okay and Alissa was going to be okay.  The message he gave me (I can't remember how he gave me this message, if it was in a blessing or an answer to one of my prayers) was, "You will be okay and Alissa will be okay.  You will both live and the pain you are feeling will go away.  You just have to endure this for a while. It will be okay."  Since I knew it was all going to be okay, after that all my prayers were for sleep so I didn't have to feel the pain.  Anyways, we got through it.  Crazy to know that some people really thought that I was dying, because I never even thought it or considered that I might die for one second.  When we went back to that hospital to deliver our next child.  The nurse that helped me, all of the sudden remembered that she had been the one who helped me when Alissa was born.  She said that she deals with so many patients that she doesn't usually remember people.  But she remembered me.  She was so sure that I was going to die.  She said that I was seemed so nice and I was so young and she just knew that I wasn't going to make it, so she went home that night and cried, because it upset her so much.

I talk too much.  The main little story that I wanted to share was the story that Alissa told me.  After I answered her question, she said, "I had a time when I thought I was dying."  I was surprised and asked, "Really?"  She said, "Yes.  It happened when we were at our cousin's house.  We were at Kaylie and Kendra's house.  I had to go poo.  I went to the bathroom and it was really hard to get it out.  I was pushing as hard as I could and eventually it came out, but when I looked at it, it wasn't poo.  It was some weird thing.  Wait. - she looks confused for a minute - That might have been a dream I had.  I can't remember if that was real or not."  Then we both started to laugh.  I told her, that had to be a dream.  If it had really happened, she would have come running, crying to me and would have had me look a it.  I told her I for sure would have remembered that.  She told me that, in the dream, she told me, and ran and got Kristy to come and see.  Then Kristy told us not to worry ,because the same thing had happened to Kaylie the week before.

Alissa's story just really hit my funny bone.  I could not stop laughing.  It was so funny that she was telling me this crazy story, then remembered that it was actually a dream she had.... and what a funny thing to dream about.  Dreams are weird!
Here are some pictures of the kids playing in the backyard with Mathew when we were at Linda's house.

Monday - June 2, 2014
Alissa was really sad today, because her friend, Malaiyha, had to leave to spend the summer with her dad today.  They had just started to hang out together a lot more than before and were just realizing how much fun they both thought each other was.  Alissa wishes so much that Malaiyha would be here so they could hang out all summer.  Anyways, I set the pool up in the living room, with the idea that it would be a lot of fun if we filled it with balloons.  I thought it would be something fun that could help distract Alissa from the sadness of her friend leaving.  It turned out to be not as fun as I thought.  The pool took up a lot more room than I had expected.  It was just something different for us to enjoy all day.  Mostly, the kids sat in the pool and played video games.  Malaiyha didn't have to leave until 4:00pm, so she came over and played for a while, then Alissa went to her house and they played outside until it was time for her to leave.

Bowling - June 3, 2014

Tuesday - June 3rd

Roger took the kids bowling.  they had free passes that they have been dying to use.  They had a lot of fun.

Our Little Pool in The Living Room - June 2, 2014

Monday - June 2, 2014

Alissa was really sad today, because her friend, Malaiyha, had to leave to spend the summer with her dad today.  They had just started to hang out together a lot more than before and were just realizing how much fun they both thought each other was.  Alissa wishes so much that Malaiyha would be here so they could hang out all summer.  Anyways, I set the pool up in the living room, with the idea that it would be a lot of fun if we filled it with balloons.  I thought it would be something fun that could help distract Alissa from the sadness of her friend leaving.  It turned out to be not as fun as I thought.  The pool took up a lot more room than I had expected.  It was just something different for us to enjoy all day.  Mostly, the kids sat in the pool and played video games.  Malaiyha didn't have to leave until 4:00pm, so she came over and played for a while, then Alissa went to her house and they played outside until it was time for her to leave.