Saturday - December 15th
I am so moody lately and especially moody today. I feel so frustrated with myself for being so grumpy and fussy about everything and I feel so bad for Roger having to be married to such a fussy, grumpy, crazy person. I wish I had more control over my emotions. I was supposed to go job hunting this week. That was my goal everyday this week. I ended up only going once. I applied at Walmart. One of the days I had a really bad tummy ache all day, so I was afraid to be too far away from a bathroom. Another day, I got a ton of phone calls. It was really weird. It was like every person I knew was thinking about me that day. I loved to stay home and talk on the phone. One of the days, I just really didn't want to go, so I didn't. I know that I need to get a job and it will help us out in a major way. I just really don't want to. The plan is, that I will work until I get pregnant, then I can quit. We both agreed that no matter what our financial situation, I will always stay home with our children. I have never been good at holding down a job and the thought of going out and getting a new one is really unappealing.
Somehow I need to get out of my bad mood. We have friends coming over in a little while and I want us to all be able to have fun. I really don't like being moody. I'm an emotional eater and I have been eating way to much today, so now I feel fat and ugly, which is really not helping me get out of my bad mood. Also, when I'm moody, I really get homesick for my family and the house that I grew up in. Hopefully, I can get my emotions in control soon.
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