Well..... I'm sad to say it, but this was absolutely the worst birthday I've ever had. The crazy thing is, is that I had very low expectations for this birthday. I knew that we didn't have money to buy me any gifts and I knew that everybody was going to be a little bust today. All I asked for my birthday was for loves. I told the kids and Roger that I would love it if they helped out and did any chores around the house with out being asked or if they didn't want to do any chores, just give me love and attention.... maybe play with my hair, give me a back rub, any kind of pampering they could think of. I wanted to make sure that I wouldn't have a completely miserable birthday and I know that roger is forgetful and the kids aren't usually thinking about this kind of stuff, so I made sure to remind the kids and Roger all week. Even before I went to bed last night, I reminded them.
In the morning, when I woke everybody up, they all told me happy birthday and gave me hugs. That was pretty much all I got for my birthday. We went downstairs, where I made breakfast for everybody and helped the kids get ready for school. The girls left for school, Roger went up to bed, and Parker laid down to take a nap. So, I enjoyed a little alone time and started scrapbooking. I did that for a little while, then I cleaned the house and got dinner ready. Roger eats dinner early because of his crazy work schedule. Parker was really tired today, so he slept a lot. When the girls got home from school, the came inside to put their stuff away, then they raced back out the door to play with their friends. Parker went out to play also. When Roger woke up, he left to go run some errands in Logan. Before he left, he asked me to come with him to run his errands. That didn't sound very fun, so I told him no. Then he tried to guilt me into it by telling me that he just wanted to spend some time with me. I told him that he could spend some time with me at home, relaxing. He had been gone all weekend, so he really could have used some relax time.
Roger got back from his errands and fell asleep watching tv in the living room. Everybody was gone or sleeping.....still....all day, this was the case. So, I spent more time scrapbooking at the computer. At 5:00 pm, Alissa and her friend, Jamie came in. They had promised to make me brownies for my birthday. So, they started making the brownies. They added all the ingredients and mixed it in the mixer. Then they grabbed bowls and dished up batter for themselves. All the kids sat around the table enjoying cake batter. Nobody remembered to bake any brownies. When I realized that they weren't going to bake them, I got up and, turned on the oven, poured the remaining batter in a dish, and put it in the oven.
The kids finished their brownie batter then ran outside to play again. Roger was still asleep, so I was, again, left alone. Then it was time for Alissa and Jamie to go to Young Women's and Parker and Roger to go to Cub Scouts. Brinley decided to go with, so she could play on the playground by the church for a little while. So, again, I was left all alone. I wanted to eat the brownies while they were still warm, so I dished me up some brownies and a little ice cream. I sat at the computer watching a show and eating my treat alone. By this point I was starting to feel kind of mad, that nobody had done anything for me all day and they had hardly even acknowledged me. They pay more attention to me on regular days than they did today.
Finally, everybody came home from their activities. They all came in and went about doing their own things. Parker and Brinley were playing and Roger was sitting in the living room watching hockey. Now I was starting to feel really hurt and angry. I decided that I was just going to go to bed. I needed to finish the scrapbooking page I had been working on. Roger had called me to come in the living room. I went in to see what he wanted. He said he wanted me to watch hockey with him. I told him I was tired and just going to go to bed. He realized that I was upset. so, he asked what's wrong. I told him how I felt about being completely ignored on my birthday. He felt bad and apologized a lot. I went back to the computer to finish the page so I could go to bed. While I worked on the page, roger came in the kitchen and put candles in the brownies that I had made and already ate a little of. He told the kids to gather around (Brinley was already asleep by this point, so she wasn't there) and they got my attention. When I turned around they said, "Happy Birthday". Then they lit the candles and sang happy birthday to me. I was pretty upset by this point and the fact that they were trying to do a quick lets make it better activity really didn't feel special. By this point I was feeling extremely unloved. I don't know if there was anything that they could have done to make it better. As they were singing, I was fighting back tears. Not because I was happy and thought this was wonderful, but because I was really hurt. Parker thought it was because I was so happy, so he gave me a hug and was like, "Awww......I love you mom." After I blew out the candles, I told them all I was going to bed.
I told Roger not to take any pictures of me, because I don't want to remember this day. I debated about even posting anything about my birthday, but decided that it is a part of my life and my history, so I will share it.
I went up to bed. Roger sent Parker and Alissa to bed, then came in and continued to try and make it better by tickling my back. But, like I said, it was too late. I'm extremely hurt. I just feel like my little family got together to send me the message that they don't really love me or care about me at all. So, there you have it. today was not my happy birthday, it was my Crappy Birthday!
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